Getting a partner – possible for some, hard for other people: why?

Getting a partner – possible for some, hard for other people: why?

Getting a partner – possible for some, hard for other people: why?

By Petra · Published 19 November, 2012 · Updated 15 August, 2016

Some individuals believe it is quite simple to generally meet new partners and scarcely ever have gaps between relationships. It does not make a difference whether their relationships last for years or months – somehow they manage to never stay single for very long and simply fulfill a brand new love interest soon after splitting up: per month or two passes and… poof! – they’re in a relationship that is new.

If you’re not just one of those, also it usually takes you much much longer to locate someone brand brand new – possibly a 12 months, and sometimes even a couple of years – you will probably find it extremely puzzling, even difficult. They don’t appear to be any longer “deserving” to really have a relationship compared to the sleep of us – just how do they are doing it? What exactly is their key?


Many of them feel since they absolutely dread the thought of being single that they must have someone in their lives all the time, so they keep going from one relationship to the next. Their have to be with some body is more powerful than aspire to have relationship that is meaningful. Due to before they meet someone new, so they appear like they find partners easily: the truth is, they just can’t stand being alone and do everything they can to keep the old relationship, whether they are happy in it or not that they hardly break up.


Some individuals just have actually low objectives and requirements. For those who have a brief list of desired partner characteristics, obviously there is certainly more selection of feasible matches. And also this enables you to almost certainly going to fall in love – it really is more straightforward to wow you. We’ve all held it’s place in that spot at some time inside our life: keep in mind just how effortless it absolutely was whenever you had been a teenager because you liked someone’s smile, or their cute curls, or their amazing green eyes… you could fall in love with a picture, without even meeting the actual person– you could fall in love! Frequently with a part of the teen band that is popular. Or a few them.


But if we emerge from teenage years – we normally add more criteria which can be centered on something significantly more than look and real attraction: character characteristics, lifestyle choices, values, passions – and lots of other activities. The theory is that, the greater amount of things we increase the list – the trickier it becomes to get individuals who match them. Whilst still being, there are numerous those who can do so effortlessly. They’re not needy and afraid to be solitary, and additionally they have actually a checklist that is sizeable. The trick of these success is self- self- self- confidence which they shall find just just what they’re looking for, and that there was sufficient option out here for them. They find their lovers effortlessly since they are convinced they could!

Often that self- confidence arises from previous experiences – with you and attract more successful events, and it becomes a repeating and self-reinforcing effect if you found it easy to find partners earlier in life, that feeling of success will stay. Same works together with the exact opposite: when you had issues finding lovers for a time, you may establish belief that it’s difficult to get somebody, so when an effect it will likely be. Your philosophy can be your experience, and your experience shall strengthen your philosophy. And when you put in a idea “I will not find someone” together with that, and commence thinking inside it, it’s going to probably get worse.


How exactly to bust out of the “vicious circle”? By changing your values – which will be quite difficult, however it is the actual only real long-lasting way that is efficient. It entails changing not merely your ideas – but your emotions also: thinking positive is excellent, however it is maybe maybe not sufficient in the event that you don’t feel those ideas are real. Once you understand in your heart you’ll find love, it will take place for you personally.


Exactly just How difficult it’s for you yourself to find new lovers? Does it simply simply take you times, months or years between two relationships … what’s your “average” period between severe relationships? (3y for me personally! ).

Many thanks for joining the conversation.

(IMPROVE: feedback about this post are closed. Please take a moment to contact me personally via CONTACT or TRAINING pages for those who have concerns about this topic. )

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I usually wonder just just how some individuals come out of 1 relationship and into another – i will be perhaps not one particular people and often it is difficult it must be you that is the problem because you do think.

Hi, thanks for your remark. I might place it in this manner: whenever we have hard time finding a relationship – our company is maybe maybe perhaps not the difficulty, however the issue lies with us. One of the more typical dilemmas is in the manner we see and appreciate ourselves – usually too small. If we change that, we begin attracting those who can recognise our beauty and love us just the means we have been. You, I would not speculate what would be the right answer for your situation, but I will write more about this topic, so hope you will be able to find some answers for yourself since I don’t know. Thank you for reading.

Hello i will be within my 60s that are late. Had been widowed in my own belated 50s. We began dating and discovered love once more. I became with my partner for nearly eight years and some days he had found someone else and didn’t think he loved me any more ago he said. I will be devestated and thus uncertain of my future now. Have came across some individuals on a site that is dating been on a couple of times. There clearly was some one I have met for relationship and that’s fine. Nevertheless heartbroken and would take my ex right back but most unlikely that may take place now due to my age, therefore uncertain concerning the future and cry every for the lost love day.

You will find love at all ages, there isn’t any question about this. You discovered it in your late 50s, and several individuals would state it is impossible at that age too. Plus it wasn’t, right? Just just just What will make it harder now is just your fear you won’t again find it. But why wouldn’t you? You have got been effective up to now, and invested little of one’s grown up years solitary. Exactly exactly What evidence you have got love isn’t feasible now, and can’t take place again? You can find solitary people that are wonderful all ages. I’ve had some as my consumers too, femail and male, of one’s or older age. You might be heartbroken now, that may additionally influence your degree of optimism. Possibly you’re not even prepared to date yet, since like this you will always be harmed. Offer your self a while, and simply head out on dates to own a little bit of enjoyable, it is much easier to fulfill the person that is right you’re not too determined it’s to occur right-here-right-now.

Dear Petra, this vicious period of ideas becomes even harder to break if it is the scenario of somebody who’s within their twenties and it has never ever been in a relationship. Exactly exactly just What advice would they are given by you?